November 3, 2014
Greetings from the richness,
One of my core philosophies is summed up as this: At the
heart of happiness is gratitude. I have
proved to myself that I cannot be unhappy while in this state, and conversely
cannot find peace when grumbling, thankless complaints fill my head.
So a sensible philosopher will assemble that which he is
grateful for, hold the bounty where it can be seen and soak in its
presence. A list or a prayer or a
practice, habits that will fill a day with the reminders. Whatever will make gratitude a part of each
day so that the equation can be completed.
I am fortunate to say that I have a long list. There are little things that are easy to count,
and easy to forget, but part of the recipe nonetheless. And there are more substantive, significant
parts that help form the foundation for my happiness. All of these thoughts this morning lead from
a single laugh, provided by my friend Tom Wolfe.
I have been lucky to count Tom as my friend for the better
part of my life, and I mean that in years and in quality. I spent my formative years with Tom in my world,
forging that bond that has linked us for most of five decades.
We walked to school together, and skipped school
together. We played hours of basketball,
prowled the streets, went on adventures, explored as far as we were allowed and
then a lot farther. There was a lot of
music and celebration and fun, enough to balance the challenges and
heartbreaks.
And always laughter.
It is almost a language between us.
We pointed our bikes outward and rode thousands of miles,
side by side, down little two lane roads.
Wandering into new places, meeting new people, fueling the passion both
of us held for seeking, for discovering, for trying.
Tom is an excellent travelling companion. Curious, easy going, unruffled by detours,
always willing, rarely discouraged. He
is a friendly, open person, interested in others, which makes meeting new people
an easy thing, and temporary, since no one who meets him is a stranger for
long.
Tom taught me the skill of perspective. He was patient enough to see when a challenge
was of significance, and when a shoulder shrug was all that was needed to put
it aside.
He has given me balance, shown me that there is a need for
introspection, but to paraphrase the philosopher; ‘The unexamined life is not
worth living. But examination is not
living life.’ He has said to me in a
variety of methods: ‘Time to put that down. Get over it.’
I remember when he told me he was going to learn to play the
guitar, and that it would be five years before he would be any good at it. When you are twelve that seems ludicrous but
he had learned at an early age what was needed to accomplish anything of
significance. It is that patience, that
maturity, that makes him a good woodworker, cook, father, husband, friend.
Tom is a success in a variety of ways, including the
traditional measures, and he is a sensible, mature adult, managing the
complexities of career, raising a family, dealing with the day to day chaos
that we all face. But he is never far
from a playfulness, a joy of experiencing, that connects him to what is best in
our lives. Including laughter.
Tom does not live in a vacuum, and he has had his share of challenges. He has beaten cancer, faced deep personal
tragedy, endured the bruises and cuts that life deals us, and has the scars to
show it. But those have impacted him,
not defined him.
My friend has been a role model. I can give you examples from our life to
share, but trust me: he is kind, patient, humble, forgiving. And he is generous. I tried to thank him for letting my son spend
the summer at his house and he laughed and said; ‘The thanks go to God. I’m blessed.’
It was not an affectation or a rote response. It was a sincere expression, the same
attitude I have seen from him all of his life.
Yesterday I ran along a quiet two lane road, the morning
just light enough to challenge the moon, and thought of Tom. The miles we have spent hiking and running
and riding roads just like this road, talking and sharing and ultimately,
laughing.
And I thought of this one moment a few months ago, while we
were touring the White House, a solemn, serious place, steeped in history, a place
of some authentic significance. And Tom whispered an entirely inappropriate comment about a
portrait of Martha Washington that made me laugh so hard it got the attention
of the Secret Service.
And there on the road yesterday I laughed so hard I had to
stop and lean over to rest my hands on my knees. And laugh so that it filled my lungs, my
bloodstream, my heart. I love that
man. And I am so lucky to have him as my
friend.
I woke this morning thinking of the reasons I have to be
grateful, which is how I want to wake up every morning. And there was Tom Wolfe, a happy grateful
man, and a part of my happiness. And
here he is. By writing these words I
make the gratitude more real, more tangible.
I have illustrated for myself this tenet, this core philosophy, so as to
more easily live it. And to share it
with you.
Some of you may read this and realize that you have a ‘Tom’
in your life, someone to be thankful for, to count on as part of the fabric of
your own happiness. I hope it is a
reminder to treasure that friendship, and to honor it for its place in your
life.
We all have reasons to be grateful, and we can choose to
hold those up each day, our armor against the slings and arrows. It is our purpose to find happiness in each
day, and with practice, make it a natural extension of who we are. And in that, maybe offer it to others. I am confident that process will begin when
we first look at what we have to be thankful for, and this morning, I raise my
cup of coffee to Tom Wolfe.
Hope this finds you laughing,
David
Copyright © 2014 David Smith
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