Thanks Giving

November 24, 2014

Greetings from the richness,

This week, all across the country, there will be a chaotic whirlwind of activity built around a celebration of Thanksgiving.  As an acolyte of gratitude, I will immerse myself in the celebration, understanding that is only a beginning.

Several years ago, in this little corner of Monday, I touched on the idea of Thanks….Giving.  A maddening idea that in the most chaotic time of year, when we are already stretched thin emotionally, physically, probably financially, we add more to our plates as we give Thanks.  The Giving part.

Thanks Giving.   Counting our blessings, finding gratitude, really understanding how blessed our lives are.  Basking in thanks.  And then expressing it.

  “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

William Arthur Ward

Giving.  It enriches happiness, and brings us to where we can be at our best as human beings.

A few weeks ago I touched on a belief of mine centering on the thought that happiness is grown from gratitude.  It is simplistic, and perhaps naïve, but it is a beginning.   I think we were created for this, but it does not always come naturally or easily.  It takes some effort to appreciate what good there is in our life, because it is always tempered by what challenges us.  And there is an instinct in us to do more, have more, seek more, be more, that can make us feel unsettled, and push gratitude aside.

But with practice it becomes part of our daily lives. We can start practicing this week, thankfully.  And from there we reach out.  We can build on this foundation to enrich the lives of others.  Our own personal fulfillment is rooted in giving, contributing to the happiness of those people we come in contact with.

When I think of my most unhappy moments I picture myself as self-centered, selfish, and ungrateful, or unaware of what I have to be thankful for.  The furthest from gratitude and giving as I can be.

In contrast, I look at the most thankful, content people I know, those people who find happiness in all situations, and they are often the most generous, giving people as well.  I’m thinking this is not a coincidence.

I’ve considered the idea of giving to see why it matters, and what it adds to our lives.  It is a slippery thing.

For me, to give with the greatest satisfaction, the first thing that must be given away is expectations.  Giving is not mathematical.  Imagine there is no quid pro quo, no pay it forward, no karmic ‘what goes around…’  There is only your expression.

The temptation is to give so that we can get back.  To be recognized, to be thanked, to be important, to indebt others.  To be a part of something larger for a sense of belonging.  These are natural, human instincts, and we are well evolved enough to try to look past them.

Give without expectation and you will be freed of the reaction of others.  Don’t judge the recipient.  Not their need, or the choices that led to the need, or their response, or their own level of gratitude.  Empty yourself of expectation, as if all giving was anonymous.  Unselfish, unconditional giving.  It is pure, authentic, generosity.  An elusive thing, but worth pursuing. 

Nelson Henderson captured the idea in this quote: “The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.”

I love it when someone opens a gift I’ve given that I know they will enjoy.  Something clicks in me when I pay someone a compliment and I know they really appreciate it, and it lifts me up.  Like all humans, I thrive on that feedback.  My daily mantra is still ‘make a positive difference in someone’s life today.’  Not sure how I would feel if I never experienced other people’s response to me.

And yet giving selfishly does not enrich my life in an honest way.  Too shallow, too fleeting, too reliant on circumstances or the whim of others.  So, there must be a balance.

The easy, first steps are to give without overthinking.  Find reasons to share your happiness, your wealth, your gifts.  Time, love, money, posessions, food, compliments, attention, humor.  Give ideas. A book of ideas.  Inspiration.  Here’s a great one: encouragement.

Try to imagine the best gifts you’ve been given.  Some are unexpected.  They are not deserved.  There is no obligation. They make you smile.  They make you grateful, not just to another person, but for being alive.  For being valued, considered, acknowledged, remembered, appreciated, loved.  Give to others with this filter and you are headed in the right direction, I think.

I woke with all of these words in my head, not to ‘preach’ to you, but to remind myself.  Counting my blessings, pulling on a sense of gratitude each day, is a first step toward being my best self.  Giving is the next step.

At the heart of happiness is gratitude.  At the heart of fulfillment is giving. 

Hope this finds you planting,

David

Copyright © 2014 David Smith