Holiday opinion

November 26, 2018

Greetings from the reformed,

You may be short on time so here is what happens; I admit I was wrong and agree to shut up.

There are countless numbers of unwritten rules.  You can’t count them because they are unwritten, and rather than start writing them all down and counting them, we say they are unwritten.  And countless.  There may be an unwritten rule about writing about this kind of accounting.

Don’t wear white after Labor Day.  Keep your food from touching other people’s food at the grocery check out.  Don’t make eye contact in the elevator.  No ‘cuts’ in the Communion line.   And a whole host of etiquette things about elbows and knees I won’t go into. 

And of course there’s the one about when to put up your Christmas decorations.  Associated with that is the unwritten rule about when to start playing Christmas music.  

It will surprise no one to know that I have an opinion about this. I have lots of opinions, some of them really well reasoned and founded in logic and in the best interest of mankind.  Here’s an unwritten rule about opinions:

I may have, in the past, expressed my criticism of people who ‘start’ Christmas too early.  I had some arbitrary line that I thought should not be crossed, which has been tested by others all the way back into the summer months.  I may have pointed out the incongruity of inflatable pumpkins and Santa and angels and the baby Jesus surrounded by scary plastic gravestones.  In order to cut back on incidences of incredulity in my life, (an awesome goal) I have made up my mind to let this go.

I decided earlier this year that I was going to keep my Christmas Start opinion to myself.  This decision was underscored when I heard my son Carson quoting me about holiday music coming too early.

“I’m channeling Dad,” he said.  ‘No Christmas MUSIC BEFORE HALLOWEEN!’”  Which, in my head, sounded like Frank Costanza going on about Festivus rules. 

So it seems I have this reputation.  I thought about that and decided not to put it on the list of proudest accomplishments. 

What settled in my mind was what should have occurred to me a long time ago.  If it makes people happy to decorate their homes for Christmas, it seems unkind to be critical of it.  Since I would like to count kindness as a fundamental motivator, I now see that I have been foolish.  I was wrong.

If I have a contrary opinion about something that gives people joy, I should shut up. And while I’m shutting up I should shut up.  And don’t say anything.  And be quiet.

I don’t know why I ever made any issue of it to begin with.  No one appointed me guardian of holiday rules.  I am not the enforcer of Christian etiquette.  Dang, I am not even sure I qualify to say anything about heathen etiquette.  Or about carrying dogs with you in the grocery store.

This revelation made me examine other opinions I have, using the kindness filter.  I am not going to go through the whole list, but it’s not flattering.  Everything sounds judgmental and small. 

Opinions are like head colds.  You may have one, people may even be aware of it, but it doesn’t mean you have to infect them with it.  As a matter of fact, you would be kindest to just stay home with your snotty opinion.  I mean cold.

There are probably unwritten rules about having an opinion about opinions.  I’m already too weary to address that spiral.  I’m going to curl up in this chair and watch the snow fall.

I realize that world leaders often will read this forum, and right now are asking their screens: “Wait, are you saying I shouldn’t have OPINIONS?  How else can we make the world go around?”  I’m not going to say that the kindness filter works for every position, but I will say we could do a lot worse than starting there.

Should we have opinions about art, about making out while going through TSA screening, or baby names, or having 20 items in the express lane?  Yes sure, but maybe we can make a pact to at least be gracious to each other when our opinions differ.  Kindness again. 

I’m in.  Tis the season.

Hope this finds you under mistletoe,

David

Copyright © 2018 David Smith

Gratitude

November 19, 2018

Greetings from the cornucopia,

At the outset let me say, to no one’s surprise, that I will have contributed virtually nothing to the success of the Thanksgiving meal on Thursday.  My best offering to the day will to be out of the way during the preparation.  My absence is my greatest gift. 

For my Canadian readers, the Thanksgiving event is a feast to celebrate the survival of early settlers in this country who narrowly avoided cannibalism after their first winter here.  (Pause here to consider how cannibalism would have altered the theme of the holiday.)  According to mythology, local Native Americans, (then called Legal Citizens) saved the illegal aliens by providing them with food and some on the job farmer training.  And a nation was born.

What this success story (not for the Native Americans) (last parenthetical aside) has created is a day where we give thanks for our bounty.  We pause before the big game and acknowledge we are grateful for all we have been given.

The ironic thing about Thanksgiving is how complicated it can be, and how much goes into it, and how that often creates a distance from its purpose.  I understand it, I respect it, and I don’t want to minimize any of the tradition.  I want the big meal and family gathered around the table and the chance to see each other and appreciate the connection. 

I would only wish for a simpler way for us to connect with gratitude on Thursday, and on every day between now and the next time we stand in long lines to get cranberries.  Well, I am not standing the long line, but someone is.  I am just bringing up the folding table from the basement and then making myself scarce. For which I am sure someone is grateful.

Before you get distracted by my hand wringing, let me introduce the idea that one of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to find gratitude in your day.  If you have been on this page anytime in the last decade you already know I believe in the power of gratitude to foster happiness.  I am not an expert in this, but I am a devoted apprentice.

You are grateful.  The problem is you don’t always believe it.  You are always in the constant state of convincing yourself.  Because the world scrapes it away and gives you something else and you find yourself accepting that as normal.  So it has to be renewed again and again.  You can do it Thursday but I suggest you not wait.

Some years ago, I was working in the yard trimming trees, and in an ordinary moment the chainsaw chewed through my jeans and into my leg.  Let me fast forward beyond the drama that followed and take you to the moment when it dawned on me to be grateful for the rest of my life that I have two legs.  For those of us who do, those of us who walk up the stairs without thinking twice, or who lace up and run a dozen miles because it gives us pleasure, we too easily become numb to the reason to be thankful for this simple thing.

You can do this exercise, but I don’t want you to gather catastrophes and near misses to renew your gratitude.  It is right at our fingertips in every other ordinary moment.  The mess your daughter makes, the warmth of your sweater, the next breath you take.  The smile of your friend, the taste of the first sip of coffee.  Making the bed for when the kids come home. 

What any of these things have in common is how simple they are and how close they are.  I think all that separates us from the feeling of gratitude, and all its benefits, is to be reminded.  Enter the writer from Michigan. 

Begin with what is closest to you and radiate out. The mind that creates and remembers.  The miraculous body that propels you through this life, even with its failings and aches.  The senses that bring you the world first, each taste and smell and sight and feel and sound.  Be grateful for you, for what you are and do.  Know and believe the difference you make in your day, for your life and for others.  Whatever you consider God to be, connect with gratitude.

The people in your life beginning with those who always accompany the word ‘love’.  Every friend and every friend in waiting.  Nature, the elements that make your environment interesting and beautiful and precious and exciting.  The miracles there, from the grass to the fawn to the rising sun.  Every action in your life you find fulfilling, that adds richness to your life and for others.  Every place where the gifts you are given make a positive difference.  Gratitude.

I realized before I started this list that it would be impossible to complete.  This is only the first layer of what is here for us to be thankful for, but it can create momentum that is unstoppable through the rest of the day as you find more and more reasons to own this.

I will be the first person digging into the sweet potatoes and the turkey on Thursday, and I will celebrate in earnest with my family the traditions of the day.  But it is going to be an accent to what I already believe, and what I will not take for granted.  It is my promise to myself and those I love.

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” – Thornton Wilder

Hope this finds you overflowing,

David

Copyright © 2018 David Smith

Edge of knowledge

November 12, 2018

Greetings from the acolyte,

Before you get too bogged down, let me explain that what follows is primarily about my dog Max, and through his existence, my evolution as a human being.

On a many occasions I have heard people explain the origin of the universe.  In my formative years this was usually from Genesis.  Since then I have heard creation stories from Native Americans on the plains, from South African mythology, from the early Greeks, and of course from scientists who postulate on the Big Bang.

All of these, in their way, make an attempt to answer the same questions the human race has posed since we could form cohesive thoughts beyond survival.  Why are we here?  Where did we come from?  What is our future?

Well, scientific theory does not propose to answer the question of our purpose; only to hypothesis and test and review, in the inexorable search for the truth.  And then we get to interpret that as humans, which adds another dimension.  It might be that more science is coming to debunk what we think we know, which happens regularly. 

The same is true with philosophy and religion, interpreters of our reality.  New thinking, new ideas, sometimes relevant to science, sometimes irrespective, is introduced and considered and either survives or it doesn’t.  Core beliefs don’t always change but the nuances of what we see as truth, or what guides us, are constantly being interpreted. 

So you know, this morning is not about getting the answer or settling a debate but asking the questions and paying attention to what is possible.

Last week I listened to a lecture by Jordan Peterson, a dense intellectual examination which just by that definition put it out of my realm of understanding.  But a of couple things stood out; one was this, a paraphrase: “I am going to teach from the edge of my knowledge, and see if in the exchange we can learn more.”  This struck me as beautiful.

Somewhere else in the presentation he described the origin of the universe.  It was his way of, eventually, leading into his discussion of the books of the bible.  This is an interesting intersection because throughout my life, even as recent as a few weeks ago, I hear people forming camps about their beliefs on the subject; that Creationism versus science discussion.  Occasionally I am asked to explain what team I’m on, as if that defines my status, and therefore how others might relate to me. 

Here’s a lesson in humility and in optimism.  Not everything will be known.  It’s not important that we understand everything.  It is not important that we adopt the beliefs of others or convert theirs to ours. What I think might be our role is to be open to the idea that we might all be right, or wrong.  The best possible future is in wondering and communicating and ‘teaching from the edge of our knowledge’.

We can formulate opinions, philosophies, life direction, with only an understanding of what is nearest to us.  If we are gracious animals, which I believe we are intended to be, we can also allow that other people, including people we love, will formulate some different perspectives.  The blade of truth is sharpened on the exchange of these differences.  To expand the metaphor, it is not a blade whose purpose is to impale others.

On occasion I will have a conversation with God during which I will express doubts or questions, which, so far, He has allowed, in that he does not smite me.  Or answer me.  I wonder if He still considering his answer, or if my wondering is his answer.  Sometimes I think this is His way of telling me to seek more.  It is also possible that this is how I am told that enough is enough.  Or, last on the list, no one is listening at this particular moment, please try again later.

A couple of days ago I advanced my somewhat disparaging opinion about the potential consciousness of dogs.  Particularly, their ability to dream, and then to take it further, the possibility they could dream about things they had never seen, perhaps places only their predecessors had seen.  I am willing to bet a cup of coffee you never have had this discussion in your kitchen.

The truth is I know almost nothing about dogs and their dreams, and even less about the possibility that consciousness can pass from one generation to the next.  It occurred to me this morning that the Monarch butterfly has more insight on this than I do.

My nature is to at least appear competent when confronted, and sometimes I will cling to the tiny bit of science or philosophy or religion that I have at my disposal to maintain my dignity.  But I am also willing to be an idiot, if everyone can keep their sense of humor about it.

This took me back to where I should be every day; wide open, not the pious expert.  Here I will quote my friend Tom Skaff who shared this advice for my son, but I’m pretty sure he’d be willing to expand the audience.  ‘Be humble.  Trust God.’

Recently I read something, I won’t remember it well enough, but this will serve:   Let me keep my distance from people who have all the answers.  I need to spend more time with those who see everything like it is the first time, with the awe that God put in us as children.

I want to be the person who looks at a dog as a mystery, one that I can understand only a fraction, and hope to be inspired to wonder and amazement.  And then take him out to pee.

Hope this finds you wide open,

David

Vote

November 5, 2018

Greetings from the polls,              

Tomorrow is a big day for politics, when we will ultimately be able to judge the effectiveness of yard signs.  Most people I have spoken to about the mid-term voting have given me inspiring responses, falling neatly into two camps; the rabid political and the wildly indifferent. 

I will admit I follow politics with the same eye as sports.  I know it is going on because I see the commercials, but I have no real understanding of either effort.  I am not backing anyone, betting on any outcome, and I do not own anything with a mascot on it.

That said, I want to be a responsible citizen and so I looked at the ballot for tomorrow.  Of course the language, in the interest of being absolutely clear, is like reading a knot of rubber bands.

In the interest of a better informed electorate, I’ll share some of what I know.  Let’s begin with the subject of gerrymandering.  This term, concocted to remember a person named Gerry and a salamander, describes how political parties arrange voting districts.  It also demonstrates a severe lack of imagination when it comes to political terms.

In our state, we are asked if we want to change how redistricting is done, not that any of us knew how it was done or why.  The proposal wording describes randomly choosing registered voters to establish new redistricting criteria including geographically compact and contiguous districts which do not provide disproportionate advantage to political parties and reflect Michigan’s diverse population. 

Honestly I started laughing at ‘randomly choosing registered voters’ and then my concentration faded. I couldn’t help picturing some poor slob waiting in line at Wendy’s and the Secretary of State comes up and taps him on the shoulder and gives him a salamander.  So then the question is, am I in favor or things geographically compact and contiguous?  And if I am do I vote yes or no? 

The most fun thing on the ballot is legalization of marijuana, which inspires great conversation 100% of the time.  Especially if any of the people involved have been sampling the ballot, so to speak, making them prime candidates for being randomly chosen to draw redistricting criteria.

We have another proposal that will allow more absentee voting, which I think we have down pat, considering only 40% of us vote in midterm elections.  Anyway we won’t have to invent reasons to vote from our kitchen table, and avoid that crush of people at the local fire hall.  I think someone said that absentee voting makes the heart grow fonder.  I saw it on Facebook so it must be true.

And of course we can’t just vote on ideas, we have to elect people.  This is almost as confusing because all of the candidates are, if we are to believe what the internet ads on Facebook say, angels and/or demons.  Pause here and know that all my political research is done on Facebook.

I know this is all important, and I should be taking it seriously.  But honestly there are some days I don’t think I could write a funnier concoction of events and reactions than what takes place in politics and our relationship to it. 

I defer to a far better qualified observer on the subject: ''Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.''  —Will Rogers

Hope this finds you throwing a lever,

David

Copyright © 2018 David Smith