January 21, 2013
Greetings from the tip of my tongue,
In my desk I have a package of those ‘My Name Is’ tags. I bought them some time ago for a meeting I
was hosting. As with most things, I
bought the cheapest version I could find and that was reflected in their
quality. As soon as anyone put one on,
they fell off.
In the end there were 20 people standing with random names
on the floor around them.
There was only one name I knew for sure I could connect with
the correct person.
That’s a visual metaphor for my daily interactions with
people. I am sure I have their name,
probably nearby, but there is a major challenge in trying to make an exact match.
I meet a lot of new people every day, and I have a large
network of friends, professional acquaintances, relatives and casual contacts,
and I’m fairly sure they all have names.
I believe that somewhere around 1997 I hit my capacity for retaining
these names, or more accurately, for knowing who they belong to.
Recently I learned a new Scottish word; ‘Tartle’. It describes the panic you feel when you are
about to introduce someone whose name you have forgotten. At some point if you must admit your memory
lapse you might offer: “Sorry, I tartled just now.” If you should actually say this out loud,
don’t be surprised if people around you all subtly back away.
Remembering someone’s name is an art. You can always tell when something is going to
be hard when it’s described as ‘an art’.
It doesn’t help at all in this case unless the person whose name you’re
trying to remember is Art.
There are a variety of tricks for getting people’s names
right. The only one that I know for sure
to be effective is to write down the person’s name. On their forehead.
If the other person is resistant to this, there are other techniques. One is the FACE method; Focus, Ask, Comment,
Employ. I like this practice because it
has an easy name to remember. Beyond
that, I have no idea how it works.
There are several methods that require looking at the person
and inventing a mnemonic or a picture story or a rhyme or some algebraic
equation so that you will associate their face with some famous person or a
state capital or a Pepsi product. I’m
too busy trying to remember who I am talking to, so this kind of complex
thinking does not help.
I was in a training session once where the speaker gave us a
method for memorizing a name. He (no
idea what his name was) said that you should use the person’s name eight as
soon as you meet them and you won’t forget it.
Like:
“It’s nice to meet you Karla, may I call you Karla? That’s a beautiful name Karla, is that
spelled with a ‘k’, Karla, or a ‘C’ Karla?
Is that a family name, Karla, or is Karla a nickname, or do you use
Karla as an alias, or did you used to be called Carl and you changed it to
Karla, Karla?”
At this point, Karla is reaching for her pepper spray. You will undoubtedly remember her name after
this because it will be on the restraining order. Assuming her name was Karla to begin with.
So rather than actually remember names, people like me
(David) employ compensation techniques. Avoidance
methods like assigning nicknames: Ace, Champ, Beautiful, Buddy, pal, old
friend, So and So, Rascal, or Hey,..You.
There several stall tactics that will provide the other person to
volunteer their name. One is to pretend
to faint. When the other person tries to
revive you, say ‘Where am I? Who are you?’
This only works once.
Sometimes it helps to introduce the person to someone else
and hope they fill in the name for you.
Like: “This is my sister (pause)…..who
I believe you have met (pause)….she is (pause)….a teacher….her name is (pause) (pause)
(pause)…familiar to you I am sure…”
When all else fails you can just admit you tartled and say:
“Tell me your name again…”
If the other person says ‘Mom’, you need to start keeping
name tags in your pocket to hand out to people as you meet them. Splurge; buy the really good ones.
Hope this finds you in good company,
David
Copyright © 2012 David Smith
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