Elf on the Shelf

December 16, 2013

Greetings from the informer,

When I was in my formative years, often referred to as PGE, (Pre Girl Era), I had two main preoccupations.  Three if you count chocolate cake.

The first had to do with a list of sometimes conflicting super powers.  When you have a steady diet of cartoons and comic books, your daydreams can get bewildering.  Ultimately I would become Ironman/Spiderman/Flash/Batman on my adventures as Jonny Quest, acted out through my GI Joe with Kung Fu grip.

The second had to do with Santa.  I’ll admit that it was not yearlong obsession, but as soon as the temperatures began to approach a winter chill, I started wondering if my behavior matched the prerequisites to get on the preferred list.  Even though I knew that the Christmas morning outcome could be arbitrary and capricious, in my still maturing PGE brain I sensed the loose connection between admirable behavior and excellent reward under the pine tree propped up in the living room.

What I remember of the concept, was reinforced by a song which, while catchy, was not a dance favorite on American Bandstand:

“He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake,

He knows when you’ve been bad or good, So be good for goodness’ sake.”

Once you add a layer of adult cynicism, this song is downright creepy, but from a young person’s perspective, it is seems pretty reasonable.  Santa’s powers fit in with the same kind of omniscience possessed by the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny and my elementary school principal, Sister Mary Edwin.

Recently I have heard about a new development that augments the Santa folklore.  An Enforcer for St. Nick.  It is the Elf on the Shelf.  The character of Father Christmas, probably 400 years old, now has a sidekick; The Elf on the Shelf.

I have been out of the realm for a while, so I haven’t been paying close attention, but somehow the Elf has become a household word seemingly overnight.  A quick survey of a small, but projectable, sample of people indicated that EVERYONE knows about the Elf on the Shelf but me. 

If my understanding is correct, the Elf is there to monitor behavior.  He is a scout, someone to keep an eye on the girls and boys as the holiday season approaches.  He has a pretty good arrangement; he simply sits (possibly on shelf, hence the name) and observes. The rules are that no one can touch him, and that he cannot move or talk when people are around.  He is just there to listen, for Santa.  And perhaps the NSA.

I will admit I am a few years past caring about this, but it still troubles me a little.  To me this feels like messing with a pretty solid tradition. 

Yes, Batman had Robin, Jonny Quest had Hadji, the Green Hornet had Kato, and Sister Mary Edwin had Sister Marie Lenore.  But Santa has always worked alone.  He has his entourage up north in his secret lair, but on the road he worked solo.

                                                                                           

As I write this I realize that my image of Santa has gotten blended in with that of Superman; Kal El stayed at the Fortress of Solitude somewhere in the frozen north, and flew around doing his best to make good people happy.  And Superman didn’t have a sidekick. 

It’s silly, I know.  Maybe it’s time for a change.  And therapy.

There are probably practical reasons for the Elf on The Shelf.  When Santa started his career, the planet’s population hovered around half a million, and today it has blossomed above the seven billion mark.  By all rights, he should have some help.  I don’t think we can count on the ‘helpers’ that are working the malls or ringing bells outside of liquor stores.

So maybe a Santa protégé is a needed addition.  I have to be open to additions in the traditions.  As long as Santa doesn’t start relying on FedEx.

Hope this finds you on the nice list,

David

Copyright © 2013 David Smith