Anticipation

 

December 26, 2022

 Greetings from the unwrapping,

 One of the great joys in life is having your anticipation of something exceeded by its reality.  By nature, it is a surprise, like a gift within a gift. 

 Undoubtedly we have all been in situations where the reverse was true, we looked forward to something and were disappointed.  Unfortunately, this can poison the natural beauty of unfiltered anticipation, these little scars that make us timid to expect more.

 I’ll admit I have been guilty of cataloging these poor moments when my luggage was lost or the dessert was not chocolate, or the sunset was blocked by clouds.  For a time I thought it was mature to hedge my hopes, be pragmatic, consider all that could go wrong in my plans, and lower my expectations to match that experience.  Makes me shudder a little to confess this.  Thankfully, life steps in to teach the permanent lesson.

 This is often a season of surprises.  Reunions with old friends, unexpected visitors, and of course each gift that is unwrapped.  Surprises tilt our anticipation on its side sometimes.  I looked forward to having all of our children together, celebrating under one roof, bumping into each other at the kitchen sink, listening to the same music, and sharing stories.  To be close enough to hug, or to look into each other’s eyes.

 All of that came true, and I am grateful.  But as I looked at the moments of these last few days I see so many places where our life went so far beyond what I could have hoped for, that I realize I should always trust that there will be more than I’d imagine.  What makes me smile is that it was never something big or dramatic, it was a hundred tiny moments that would be easy to miss, and tragic to miss.

 I loved the lights, the decorations, the food, the laughter, and having us all make a mess, taking up too much space, and being too noisy.  None of that was planned, and I couldn’t have described it in advance.  Anticipation is its own gift, but hidden inside are these other moments that blossom and create another beauty we couldn’t hope for.

 Christmas Eve brought a brutally cold winter storm, coating our world in white, which froze my intentions for the day.  Instead, I invited two of my sons, one by birth, the other by my daughter’s choosing, to join me for a run.  We all shrugged at the wintry landscape, layered up in the comical way of the Mitten State, and headed out.

 We ran into the woods, where the trees were layered in a thick layer of snow, and transformed to white sculptures.  We made our own paths in the untouched snow, as close to little kids as you can be at our age.  We talked about forgettable things, joked and slipped, our shoes making that unique squeaking noise in the snow.  The snow on the trees sheltered us from the ferocious wind, and I felt loved by nature there.

 All of us stopped at different times just to be amazed at the beauty around us.  At one point the branches hung so low, aching with the weight of the snow, we had to bend to walk under the tunnel of white lattice.  If that day had gone the way I anticipated, I would have missed the company of two people I care deeply for in that magical place.  These are a lot of words to try say one thing, that amazement and awe overwhelmed my anticipation.

 So many other places.  When I look at my grandson Finley and he smiles at me, and kicks his little feet because he is so delighted.  When my daughter was genuinely touched by a simple gift.  The first taste of a fresh cup of coffee, which wasn’t a surprise, but still added to the moment.

 And pictures from friends and a phone call from my sister, and dark chocolate, and a good Old Fashioned, and tickling Ila until she couldn’t catch her breath.  The moment when a slice of quiet turns into a nap of such deep intensity that time seems to have been suspended.

 Anticipation is a hope of sorts.  It can be risky, hoping for more than we think we dare.  But that’s where the richness waits.  Even more importantly, it waits where we didn’t anticipate, in the edges of the planned moments and the fringe of expectations. 

 

Hope this finds you expecting,

 

David

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright © 2022  David Smith