November
29, 2021
Greetings
from the rift,
Bear
with me. I know this is a challenging experience
we share, and not one we will resolve today.
I simply want to find a place to begin.
A few weeks ago,
I witnessed a debate among a group of people online. It was an unfortunate experience, one that is
probably common to all of us. It began
as a difference of opinion, which manifested as a statement of high moral
standards. It devolved quickly into
something I would not have recognized amongst this group of friends.
I suspect that
we all have faced some version of this.
There is no shortage of places where we as human people can line up to
disagree. In fact, it seems to me that
some years we create more of these battle lines than we disassemble. Race.
Politics. Gender. Economics.
Class. Team loyalties. Religion. Peanut allergies. Which kind of epidemic we believe in.
In this tiny
tableau was a group of people I admire, at least for what we have in common. They spent every day supporting each other in
a noble endeavor, until the day came that someone presented a reason to forget
all that, and become an unruly mob. A
few voices begged for reason, and it was like putting out fire with gasoline.
I felt
righteous indignation. Anger. I gathered my own position around me like armor,
and decided to wade into the fray. I went
for a run and formulated whatever I wanted to express, a brilliant exposition
of unassailable truths. I was going to
stand up for my opinion and it would be heard.
I would debate with honor and win for the right side.
And then I saw
the argument turn into vitriol and bitter rancor. No one was listening, and after a while it
seemed no one cared if their point had been made. It was simply a group of people in love with
the sound of their own opinion. I
realized, as most of you do when presented with this kind of thing, that no one’s
mind was being changed. No differing perspectives
were being attended and respected. I had
no place in that venue.
It dawned on
me, on a different run along dark autumn roads, that my desire to express had nothing
to do with being understood or seeking to understand. It was my pride, my ego, my desire to be
right, that was what sparked my passion.
I do believe in standing up for what we think, but what happens as we
do, what comes next, is what matters most.
In
a mostly forgotten speech 160 years ago, Abraham Lincoln used the phrase ‘better
angels’, a hopeful reminder of the inherent spirit in us that moves us towards what
we were created to be. It is not a naïve
commentary, despite the fact his speech changed nothing in the argument of the
day, and soon the country was torn apart.
Everyone standing up for what they believed and killing one another to
make their point. Several years ago, the
phrase resurfaced, and I wrote down ‘better angels’ to remind me of where the
hope really lies. To act justly, to love
mercy, and to walk humbly with God.
One
of the least popular of human values in a fractured environment is empathy. It requires humility, to step down from the
dizzying height of righteousness and sit on the ground with someone else’s
perspective. I have always understood empathy
as seeking to understand the feelings of another person, but in fact it
requires one more step; imagination.
The
author Alex Kotlowitz wrote: “Empathy is central to
who we are as human beings. I talk about
it as the centripetal force of storytelling
It’s also the centripetal force of community. It’s what holds us together; it’s what binds
us. It’s part of what we are as humans,
but it takes some effort. It’s not as if
we are naturally inclined to think of ourselves as somebody else. It takes a leap of imagination.”
“…to
think of ourselves as somebody else.” Not simply listen to their opinion with an open
mind, but to imagine ourselves as them, with their life, their experiences, and
whatever led them to the place they are in that moment. Hmm.
That’s hard, maybe too hard when you are trying to tweet a snappy
answer.
Empathy
is often misunderstood as a compromise of our own self, that somehow it gives
ground to someone else, which is hardest when we disagree with that
person. But in truth empathy is merely a
doorway through which we see each other and can become the foundation for
respect even in dispute.
If
you are thinking that listening to our better angels will not win an argument
or change political policy or resolve racial injustice, you are right. It is merely a place to begin. What comes next, which also requires courage
and dedication, can be a conversation that is held in respect and humility and
hope. Our better angels will not solve
all things, but I promise you, I can see it in truth already, that listening to
our demons will not solve anything.
Hope
this finds you imagining,
David
Copyright
© 2021 David Smith
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