October
9, 2017
Greetings from
the pairing,
Secret
agent. Coffee cup. Dog house. Bohemian rhapsody. Political
pundit. Budget deficit. These are
examples of two words I expect to see together.
Not every time; they can be paired with other words I’m sure. But these combinations are not a surprise to
me.
I will freely
admit I don’t fully understand every culture on the planet, including the one
in which I am currently ensconced. I am
interested in how the rest of the world behaves and why, curious about what
makes things hum in lands beyond my land.
I get Canada for the most part, but after that, things seem foreign in
other countries. And that’s why we call
them ‘foreign countries’, which are two more words I expect to see together.
Here’s two
words I never expected to see together: donkey shortage.
I have to say I
don’t consider donkeys much at all, but my impression is they are as common as
cockroaches. Mules, which some asses
confuse with donkeys, cannot reproduce and so a mule shortage would not
surprise me. But donkey shortage?
So when I
heard there was a worldwide shortage of donkeys my instinct was to think: ‘I don’t
care.’ And then: ‘Wait, what? That makes
no sense.’ And then: ‘I don’t care.’
But the door
of curiosity was kicked open and I had no choice but to gape in, my arms
akimbo. (‘Arms akimbo’ are two words that I am not surprised to see paired,
however I understand if they seem awkward to you.) I heard a story on NPR about people in
several African nations who were struggling because other people are stealing
their donkeys. The demand for donkeys
has created a black market, and so theft has skyrocketed. There is no U lock for donkeys, so you can’t
even run into the 7-11 for a second and leave them at the door. Poof. Gone.
You might
assume that the United States is behind this demand, avid consumers that we
are. Maybe donkeys are suddenly the rage
at kid’s parties, or an exotic staple at billionaire’s brunches, or the new
green transportation alternative to the Prius.
Maybe now it’s cool to show up at the micro-brewery with your donkey,
like a fashion accessory, and now millennials all have one, like those ironic
beards and tattoo sleeves.
But no, it’s
not donkey fashion in the U.S. that’s driving this. (Donkey fashion being two other words I never
expected to see together.) It’s not the U.S. this time, it’s the new consumers
in China.
China consumes
a lot of quirky stuff that is supposedly good for you and I have noticed a
theme among these herbal antidotes.
Rhino horn, goats weed, shark fin, stag antler, tiger bones. Somehow these ingredients, prepared
correctly, lead to a better, let’s say, love life. Now we add donkeys.
The way it
works is the donkey first must give up its hide. In the interest of propriety, I will just say
the donkey doesn’t need it after this process.
Also, donkey rights activists should know, the donkey doesn’t get a say
in the process. (Test: find the THREE
words in the last sentence you never expected to see together.)
The hide is
then boiled and somehow from this process a smelly brown gelatin is
extracted. This is called e’jiao, which
supposedly has properties that promote a variety of healthy outcomes, including
improved sex drive. Right now it sells for about $1300.00 an ounce. One donkey gets you about two pounds of e’jiao
so it’s possible, not counting the steaks, you could make over $40,000 per
animal.
Before we go
any further, let me position this scenario.
Let’s say that a group of researchers are working on how to deal with
improving blood flow, sex drive, or to solve insomnia or dementia, and they
think for a long time about how to solve these issues and then one day someone in
the group says, ‘Look I know this sounds crazy, but what if we boiled donkey
hides and then ate the effluence? Wouldn’t
that make us healthier?’
I have been in
some creative brainstorming sessions, but I have to say I have never wandered
into the donkey boiling solution arena. (Not
helping you here with new word combinations.)
China is one
of the oldest civilizations on earth and evidently has been consuming e’jiao
for over two thousand years, so who am I to question the sensibility? Also worth noting, China has so many people
they have to have laws limiting the number of children they can make. Which has to be a tough one given all the
money being spent on the sex drive.
It may sound
like I am mocking a culture I don’t understand, and I’ll admit that’s something
we do well in my culture. Fact is, I
know virtually nothing about herbal medicines, for all I know they do what is
claimed. Just because it’s hard to
imagine boiling a donkey hide could cure coughs, heal skin ulcers, increase ‘energy’
and blood flow, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
One thing that is obvious, e’jiao is making someone a lot of money. Donkey dollars.
Hope
this finds you holding on to your assets,
David
Copyright
© 2017 David Smith
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