Reboot

July 24, 2017

Greetings from the reboot,

The reason that you are feeling like this is because there is a conflict between what you need and what you get.  You are often misdirected during this conflict by what you want.  This theory was first postulated by the Rolling Stones but since has been verified by real scientists with white lab coats.

In order to realign the need/get/want dichotomy, you need to disconnect and wait for your brain to rest long enough so that it spools up correctly.  There are a variety of methods to accomplish this, but what follows is a technique that, while not many can perform, has proven to produce the desired results.

Instructions for reset:  Take one small white dog.  One large green field.  One blue sky.  Small puffy clouds optional.  Conditions do not have to be ideal, but a warm day is desirable.

(Note: Size and color of dog is optional.  Number of dogs optional, although two is too many, and zero may be too few.  One can be too many also. Correct number may be somewhere in between.)

Walk aimlessly into the field. Or as aimlessly as one can when one’s life is largely oriented by direction and grids and schedules and signs and instructions and habits.  The challenge may be exacerbated by the small white dog’s motivation. 

Find an appropriate section of grass.  If you have been truly wandering aimlessly as described in the last step, this might take a considerable amount of time, and you may already be looking at your watch. If appropriate, remove your watch and fling it into the grass behind you.  (Do not fling watches of any significant value or emotional attachment as this can lead to other issues not covered in these directions. Alternate action may be to put the watch in your pocket.)

First touch the grass to make sure it is the right consistency.  If it is too damp, or too picky, or if there is any sign of something that you would prefer not to sit in, you have chosen the wrong spot.  Absent those indicators, sit down on the grass.

You may be thinking: I am going to get my clothes dirty. I am going to be itchy from the grass.  I don’t have time for this.  People are going to wonder what I’m doing.  These are natural reactions and underscore the need to continue with the exercise.  Pay no attention to these thoughts.

Once you are seated on the grass, stretch your legs out in front of you and lower your shoulders back until your entire body is resting on the ground.  This may feel completely foreign, but try not to panic.  If you have positioned yourself correctly (face up) the sky should be above you.   Fight the urge to get up and do something you think should be doing.

If you can feel something tickling the inside of your arm it is best to assume it is sweat running across your skin.  It’s not an ant.  It’s not a tick.  Do not think about Lyme disease. It’s not a trapdoor spider.

Don’t try to perfect the moment.  Don’t wish you had a pillow or a glass of something cold to drink.  Don’t wish for theme music or someone’s company.  Don’t look at your phone or make a list in your head.  If you can’t remember all of these instructions, then just do this: nothing.

If you are using the optional small white dog, he may be laying in the grass with you now.  This is not a sign that he likes you or that you have his approval.  Don’t read anything into it; he is just doing what dogs do.  At this point his contributions to the methodology are not critical.

Watch the sky.  It is probably the blue part above you.  Clouds may float in; they do this randomly and you cannot control them or rush the process.  Wait for them to form into shapes you could recognize, or just notice the contrast of the wisp of white against the blue.  Do not concentrate, that makes it harder.  Occasionally a bird may fly over.

Breathing in and out will happen automatically, but during the inhale step breathe through your nose and try to take in the smell of fresh cut grass.  Notice any tinge of moisture in the air that could mean rain in the future. Someone is cooking on the grille not far off.  Corn is ripening in another field. If the day is hot enough you will smell summer baking the world into perfection. 

This process will have an effect on the fabric of the universe.  You are not in control of this effect; it is a byproduct of your position, the reduction of your heartrate, to a small degree the presence of the small white dog, and your unfocused consciousness.  This indirectly causes time to stream at a slower than normal bandwidth.  There is the potential that it may even pause or regress.  It is not a cause for concern.

Whatever moisture there is in the grass is wicking into your clothes and you can feel the dampness on your skin.  Lower your hands and press into the grass and feel the earth there.  Option: work your fingers into the soil until you are sure to have dirt under your fingernails.

Listen to the breeze touching the blades of grass around your head.  You can only hear it at this elevation, so pay close attention.  The longer you listen the more you will hear it.  The longer you hear it, the more likely you will never forget it.

Continue these steps until you have become five years old.

Hope this finds you what you need,

David

Copyright © 2017 David Smith