Columbus

October 12, 2015

Greetings from the New World,

Jerry put his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes.

“I know the other agents spoke to you about this, but now I’m asking you.” he said.  “What is the purpose of your travel?”
“I am here to discover the new world.”
“And you don’t have a passport or any other papers.”
“I have a command from the Queen.” said the man, tapping the table between them for emphasis.

Jerry gritted his teeth and stared at the forms in front of him.  If the guy wanted political asylum he could flip him to the Department of State, or INS maybe.  But sitting here, it felt like the guy didn’t have both oars in the water.  So to speak.  Jerry tried again:

“I can’t just …you must declare a reason for being here.” Jerry said trying to be calm.
“I said this; we set out to explore, to find new trade routes, to discover new worlds.”
“You can’t just ‘discover’ a country.  It doesn’t work that way. We already live here.”
“Look, I don’t make the rules, this is how it’s done.  I have a contract with the Queen, and she is expecting for me to plant a flag here and make this a territory of Spain.”

Jerry sat back in his chair.  He had been on duty for only an hour and it already felt like a week.  He was wishing he was still working TSA telling people to take off their shoes and belts.  And for crying out loud empty their pockets.  How hard is that to remember?  Anyway.  Now this nut.

“The Coast Guard says your ship has weapons on it.” he said.  “I gotta tell you that don’t look good.”
The man smiled.  “It’s a dangerous world.  Sometimes we run into pirates.”
“You’re saying you carry cannons and swords for self-defense?”
“I think you are saying that.” said the man. “I’m simply telling you it’s a dangerous world.”
Jerry leaned on the table, pushing his coffee cup from the edge so he wouldn’t spill it.
“It says in this report that you are from Italy, but you came from Spain.  But again, no papers?”
The man shrugged and held up his hands.  “What can I say? It’s good to know somebody on the throne.”
Jerry flipped through the report and found the page he wanted.  “You indicated in your first interview that you thought the world was flat.  What’s that about?”
 “Well it was a theory.  Some people thought that, but I wasn’t convinced.  Who knows?”
“So flat,..like square, or flat like this table top?” said the agent, trying not to be too sarcastic.  “Wouldn’t you just sail off the edge?”
“Well every adventure has risks.  If we made it to the New World there would be great rewards, if the sea monsters didn’t get us.”  said the stranger.  “Again, that’s why weapons are handy.”
“You must realize,” said Jerry “How outlandish this story sounds.  You just head out into open see with a bunch of undocumented aliens, some of whom indicate they were forced to sail with you.  You tell me that there are monsters in the sea and that you might have sailed off the edge of the world, and you thought you were going to India, but you got here somehow. And now you own the country because you put your flag on the beach?”
“Well, it is amazing, but when you make history it usually is.” the man sat back in his chair smiling.

Jerry’s supervisor was pacing outside the door, holding an e-cigarette in her hand.  He pushed the interview door closed and leaned against it.  She was immediately in his face.

“I want this guy back on his boat towed out to international waters by 3:00.” she snapped.
“I’m trying to figure out his story.” Jerry said. “I think he may be delusional”
“Really?  The report says he’s looking for Spice Girls? What the heck is that? What is this guy, from the 90’s?”
“It said he was searching for spice…” Jerry didn’t finish.  Why was he defending this?
“Seriously, if the press gets wind of this then someone is going to start a fundraiser and then we’ll end up adopting the whole bunch of them.  I don’t want the headache.” She said.
“So, whatta we do?”  asked Jerry.
“We push him back into international waters and point him toward Canada.  They’ll take anyone.” she said.  “Let them use that fancy health care they got all figured out.”
Jerry rolled his eyes.  “Not Canada.  We already sent them all of those French.  What about Cuba?  That would be ironic, us sending a boatload to crash their beach.”
His supervisor tapped her teeth with the e-cigarette.  “Get him as far as the Bahamas. What happens after that is their problem.  Poor huddled masses.  If I hear that one more time..”

Hope this finds you exploring,

David


Copyright © 2015 David Smith