Father's Day

June 22, 2020

Greetings from the magic,

I have at times drifted into the caricature of a father, the one you see represented in Hallmark cards.  The one who alternately naps and bumbles repairs when he is not mowing the lawn in dress socks and sandals or farting.  The stereotype must come from somewhere.

I like to think of myself as a wise, patient father who has guided his children through the challenges of life, dispensing sage advice, teaching valuable skills, setting a sterling example to follow.  I also like to think of myself as James Bond, and all any of this has demonstrated is I have a good imagination.  The truth is somewhere in between my self-image and the parody.  I sometimes shudder to think of my spotty performance as a parent, but thankfully I have been redeemed by the resilience and forgiveness of my children. And perhaps their faulty memory.

This morning I am wearing a t-shirt that has ‘World’s Greatest Dad’ embossed on it.  No, I didn’t get it at Goodwill, it was awarded to me.  Admittedly it was so many years ago I can’t put a number to it.  With this advanced perspective I now possess, I suspect there was not an international contest where I earned this designation.  And, it has been shown that the title is not meant to be held in perpetuity.

Becoming a parent asks that you consider being patient, generous, that you sacrifice for someone else’s benefit.  There is also a need to examine your own wisdom, your own personal philosophy, not only to guide your choices as you raise your progeny, but also on the off chance that one day they ask your opinion of something.

And so, it would seem, that fatherhood would add a maturity that otherwise might not have developed.   Fatherhood tempered the selfish in me, although it didn’t extinguish it.  I would also say it stretched my horizon, meaning that I began to consider whatever might occur beyond the day I was in.  I’ll admit I had to be given this lesson a few times before it took. 

When I think of being a father, I always picture the days when my children were small, which is when I was most actively engaged in their lives.  Changing diapers and feeding them.  Making choices for them, taking them places.  Waiting for them.  Bundling them up, teaching them simple things, taking them to the dentist, soccer practice, karate, church, school. Every day there was conversation about one child or another, it formed decisions and choices and created a lifestyle. 

Today my role is more Father Emeritus. 

My children make it possible for me to be a father, literally of course, and philosophically.  They provided the environment for me to learn to care for other people, to think about their needs or their future.  In that process I recognized that our purpose in life is not nearly as self-centered as I was given to believe in the first decades of living. 

Now that my children are adults and our relationship has changed that of infant and caregiver,  the truth is they still make it possible for me to be a father, which hold a lot of the elements of being a good human.  I’m lucky there are four of them and one of me. 

When you qualify for the title of ‘father’ you are also reminded of your place in the sequence of fathers that stretch back to Eden.  And, presumably, continue into eternity.  I’m lucky to see the next in the line that will take us to that future.  I’ll also say that it delights me to no end.

Yesterday I shared the celebration of Father’s Day with, possibly, billions of World’s Greatest Dads.  Among those I would nominate my Son-in-Life Tim as the authentic title holder.  Already kind, empathetic, already one who considers the future as he makes his choices, he has been made into something more by the magic of Ila. 

Tim chose to stay home from work in the first months of Ila’s life.  I know a little of what guided that choice, but it still impressed me.  I see his devotion to my granddaughter, see the love.  He is a dedicated learner, I know that whatever he needs to know to be an excellent father, he will find it and own it.  This morning as I listened to Tim reading to Ila, his natural gentle voice softened just a shade for his daughter, I caught a glimpse of all that is to come between them, and it inspired me and brought me to tears.

Last night as we sat talking the conversation slipped into the new parents plans for Ila, and I was reminded again of what it’s like to have your mind full of raising a child.  Tim has become a father, already possessing the strengths that are needed, and now fully transformed when he met his daughter.

In time there may be other fathers among my children, and as I considered each of them this morning it made smile to realize the gifts they all carry that will be transformed into what their children will need most.  The wonderful news in that is that those same traits make such a difference in their lives already.

As I put these last words here, my World’s Greatest Dad shirt is in the dryer.  I want it to be ready to wear when I give it to the new title holder.

Hope this finds you being the world’s best,

David

Copyright © 2020 David Smith