October
10, 2016
Greetings
from square one,
I
remember sitting on the floor looking at the hardwood planks I had installed,
working my way around the kitchen counter, and realizing somehow I had made a
mistake. The planks had drifted off,
just a fraction of an inch here and there, until now it was a problem. The thought of tearing out all the work I had
done that afternoon made me a little sick to my stomach. And angry.
This
has been a weakness of mine for all of my adult life. I don’t like going back to square one. Makes me crazy. What’s worse, I know in advance it will make
me crazy.
I
think it’s healthy that we approach most things with the attitude that we will
succeed, otherwise it’s too easy to give up. In some cases, without a decent ration of
confidence we don’t even begin. But, it
is that confidence, born of experience, a positive attitude, and probably no
small amount of ego, that makes it hard to take setbacks.
Being
a card carrying egomaniac, I can speak from very personal experience in this
regard. The more challenging the
prospect, the greater ‘confidence’ required, and with that the greater
risk.
I
look for ways to be effective in all aspects of my life. The idea of wasting time retaking territory
I’ve already won is maddening. So I like
to plan, to anticipate, to problem solve, in advance, so that I can use the
time I’m given to the greatest advantage.
I know there will be setbacks, and I try to prepare myself for
them.
And
then life happens anyway. It does not
present itself in squares, no matter how you name them or number them. Life appears in random unpredictable
swarms. Life is not linear, but some of
us egomaniacs are tempted to think of it as such because we use timelines and
maps and calendars to measure progress or chart our plans. Man plans and God laughs. And we are back to square one.
The
truth is more like this: I am on a path that sometimes will cross square one
more than once. The best strategy is to
not take it too personally.
Years
ago when I wrote for the local newspaper I learned what editing was. I found out that writing was one thing,
writing to fit in the space above the horoscopes, was another. One of the best ‘square one’ lessons I know
of is writing the perfect paragraph and then having to scrap it so it will fit
above ‘Gemini’ or tomorrow’s weather.
I
sat on that kitchen floor, looked at those traitorous oak boards and considered
my options. Then stood up and went
outside for a new perspective. I thought
about every possibility including giving up. I railed against the unfairness, the waste of
time, the lack of sympathy from the world for my situation. And
then I went back in and started over.
My
carelessness caused that problem, but sometimes what sends you back to square
one is something you have no control over.
Sometimes it’s another person, or a change in circumstances, or the
weather, or a closed road.
I’ve
thought about why starting over at square one bothers me. It’s like a failure, but not one you walk
away from. It’s one you have to face
again, with the same list of challenges as the first time, and one more; yourself.
It’s
naïve of me to think any endeavor of any consequence will not have built into
it the risk of setbacks, some of which will send me to square one. It is only my vanity, my ego that would
prevent me from seeing that. And from
dealing with them when they come.
There
is lots of advice out there about how to deal with setbacks that conspire to
break your spirit. I think we know that somewhere in there
experience builds us, character is infused in us, that we learn from the
process, about the challenge and about ourselves. Be patient; the lesson will eventually
appear.
“The greatest glory in living lies not in
never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hope
this finds you rising eight,
David
Copyright
© 2016 David Smith
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