Status

February 8, 2016

Greetings from a widening view,

Occasionally I will meet someone and get to know them just well enough to have a framework of understanding, but the rest has to be filled in with impressions and assumptions.  I am not always proud of where this leads but it is common in human interaction.

I look for clues and representations of what their life is like and make some guesses about them.  We all do this before we are able to get to know someone well.  We look at status symbols.

It is a dangerous thing to talk about, I realize, because no one is comfortable saying they accumulate status symbols on purpose.  But they are in our lives and they get there somehow and we are involved.  We are all taking part in choosing our symbols, and we all take part in assessing others by their symbols.

There are easy examples like the stuff we own: cars, jewelry, homes, clothing.  The choices we make represent us to a degree as people first see us.  If we are carrying a Dolce &Gabbana purse or carrying our stuff in fanny pack, people take notice and assign an impression to it.

It is not just about wealth or possessions.  We view each other by a variety of status to see if we have things in common, to seek connection or find ways of communication.  Education, awards, political affiliations, religious beliefs.  Who our friends are.  Sometimes the accomplishments of our children are a status symbol.

This kind of interaction happens at all levels of society; homeless people have status symbols, so do baristas and tattoo artists and nuns and athletes.  Every culture has them.

Just so we understand each other, I am not judging other people’s status, or how they present it to the world.  I’m trying to figure out how I feel about my own.

I am guilty of status envy.  I have chased around other people’s versions of status, been tempted by their symbols of status.  I know the root of this.  Admire me, accept me, think highly of me, be impressed.  This symbol says I have attained a place in life that allows me this ‘status’.  It is a reflection of my self image, ego, and pride.

But I think enough years have passed that I have learned which are hollow and temporary and which matter to me.  At least on most days. 

I thought about the people I admire the most and this occurred to me; the status symbols are not the point.  They exist, they are sometimes really obvious, but they are a reflection of life lived for another purpose.  A person who is in service to his neighbor because of his beliefs might be awarded a Nobel Prize for Peace.  It is now a status symbol that is part of that person’s life.  But which is more meaningful, the beliefs or the prize?

It is hard to see people’s motivation, what inspires them, so sometimes we just look for the symbols.  As we know more about them we can guess if they are about the pursuit of the symbol or the pursuit of the accomplishment.  The pursuit of admiration, or of a fulfilling life. 

I think I am probably average and I fall all over the place on this subject.  I aspire, I accomplish, I represent the success in the symbols I gather around me.  I sometimes give in to the pride.  But I am a work in progress.  One of my prized possessions is a twelve year old nylon jacket that says Boston Marathon on the back.  It is a status symbol to a very narrow section of the population, but I feel self-conscious wearing it.  That tension between pride in the achievement and pride in the symbol and the humility I gained from the experience is what keeps me balanced.  At least on most days.

I just figured out this morning that it isn’t the status symbols themselves that matter, it is how we feel about them, how important they are to us.  It is a wide band of grey areas.  Consider possessions:  If we own something for the purpose of status that is one shade.  If we own something for the value it brings our life, and it also serves as a symbol of our status, that’s another shade.

The fact is some status symbols are a byproduct of living, of our ambitions and accomplishments.  They accumulate around you whether it is your intention to live to impress or to live to express. Some things are meaningful emblems of significant achievement.   Others are baubles.   

Status symbols can reflect who you are, not only what you have or what you know or what you accomplished.  Earlier this week someone made me laugh.  One of those deep cleansing laughs, authentic and joyful.  It was a welcome gift, the product of friendship, not something I accomplished or sought .  I think anyone who met me in that moment, saw the smile on my face, would have been able to judge accurately who I was.

That’s the kind of status symbol I really want to pursue.

Hope this finds you elevating your status,

David