October 20, 2014
Greetings from the great outdoors,
Like most people, this time of year I begin to care about
the weather. I suppose I always care,
but for the next several months going outside will have serious
implications. Some days one might only
get reined in by rain, but other days could lead to being stranded by snow or
isolated by ice.
The rest of the year my interest in the weather can be
satisfied by opening the door and sniffing the air. If I am really curious, I might hold one hand
out, palm up, to see if it’s raining.
But now I have to consider how many layers I am going to wear to protect
me from a hostile environment.
I have an app on my phone, or I can check the forecast on
several weather sites on my laptop. Or
if I want someone to explain the weather so any first grader can understand it
I can turn on TV. Except now I’m afraid
to.
In my area the competing TV networks all have a full staff
of meteorologists with serious sounding credentials. Whatever skills these professionals
accumulated at Meteor School become ironically academic since they have been
reduced to pointing at a green-screen and finding interesting ways to explain
the H and L symbols there.
All the TV weather experts have some kind of Doppler radar
to help them see what weather has a 50/50 chance of coming to our area. First Alert Live Doppler. Pinpoint Doppler. Double Doppler. SkyTracker.
First Warn Radar. I checked the
weather in California yesterday and found out that Los Angeles has a station
with Mega Doppler 7000 HD. All that to
predict sunny and 70.
And so weather becomes drama and entertainment. Not like Sonny Elliot entertainment (“It’s
colder than an ex-wife’s hello”) but it’s theater no matter how you slice it.
It’s no surprise that TV stations have figured out that one
of the most watched segments of the local news broadcast is the weather, and
the more dramatic and engaging they can make it, the bigger the impact on their
ratings.
Enter the Weather Channel.
The sensation you are feeling is the tail wagging the dog.
My version of Cheapskate Cable does not get the Weather
Channel, but I’ve seen it in hotel rooms so I get the concept. When I first heard of it I snorted derisively,
(no longer allowed at the dinner table) lumping it into other half baked ideas
like the Time Channel and the Puppy Channel.
I snorted too soon.
The Weather Channel is a big deal. They have all kinds of weather related
programming, but people tune in to see their favorite personality chat up the
forecast. They have turned mundane into
compelling. So for the longest time the Weather Channel has tried to get us to
watch, and we did. And now they are
watching us.
The folks at Weather Co. have developed a process combining
weather patterns, data mining, and polling their considerable following on
weather.com. From this science they can
predict the buying patterns of Americans based on the weather we experience. From there they can sell that information to
whoever wants to sell you something.
So when it is hot and humid, they know that many women will
be concerned about frizzy hair. At which
point these consumers can be marketed a hair care product on their smartphone
or computer. When it is going to snow,
an ad for show shovels pops up from Ace Hardware. Rainy?
Craft projects sell better in your area on rainy days, so you get an ad
from Hobby Lobby.
The Weather Co. is now collecting data on how people FEEL as
a result of certain kinds of weather, with the hopes of being able to tweak
marketers approach to the consumer with pinpoint Doppler accuracy.
I don’t have a meteorological degree but I feel qualified to
make this prediction; the next evolution will be that we turn on the TV and
some forecaster will tell us “Today there is a 60% chance of buying an iPod,
with scattered chocolate ice cream purchases in the area. Tomorrow we’ll see occasional acquisitions of
small jewelry in the morning, with a few pockets of new car test drives in the
afternoon. So you’ll want to be sure to
make sure you take your American Express with you on your morning commute.”
Sonny Elliott would be mortified.
Hope this finds you holding your palm up,
David
Copyright © 2014 David Smith
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