Stearns Hotel

April 27, 2020

Greetings from the locals,

Eventually restrictions will ease, and the first thing people will want to do is go visit their friends and family, who will not be home because they had the same idea.  We will find we did better at getting together on Zoom.  Facebook will suddenly be filled with ideas for things you can do when you’re not at home, because we will have forgotten how to not watch Netflix.

One of the suggestions will be that you go to Ludington, Michigan, a quaint little town on the eastern edge of Lake Michigan.  I’m trying to sound like Rick Steves, famous travel expert who I have now seen visit every quaint town in every country on earth, since I’ve watched everything else on Netflix and all of West Wing twice.

Whenever you visit Ludington you have a variety of lodging to choose from, which range from a more modern chain hotel on the outer edge of things, to various locally owned motels.  These all have a few things in common; thin walls, mattresses and towels, and a certain mustiness that is standard with small town resort motels.  I hope that’s mustiness.

All of these places have their own character and certain idiosyncrasies, some of which require patience, and others a tetanus shot.

Eventually everyone should stay at the Stearns Hotel.  It is an iconic experience, a phrase that may not apply but Rick Steves said it and I needed a place to use it.  The hotel was built in 1903 by lumber baron Justus Stearns.  I would like to pause here and point out that it seems you have to be a big shot in lumber or cattle to get the word ‘baron’ included in your bio.  No one ever says, “Oh look, there’s the cookie baron, Otis Spunkmeyer.”

Given the age of the Stearns Hotel you can expect certain contrasts to other modern living experiences.  First, to set your mind at ease, yes there is indoor plumbing and other contemporary conveniences.  You’ll note the sign outside says, ‘Stearns Motor Inn’, a clue they have made accommodations for horseless carriages as well. 

The exterior is a little confusing but once you get inside you will enjoy that the interior has been updated to blend the early century (the last one, not this one) with some 70’s kitsch and a hint that perhaps Steven King created the place for his next book. 

There is a ballroom off the main lobby, a place where one could hold a wake or a wedding reception or class reunion, the only difference being the color and quantity of balloons.  I witnessed one event there and still wonder which of the three types of celebrations were occurring.  The elevator, which I am told goes all the way up, makes a distinctive moaning sound when the door closes, which may be the Steven King influence.

The hallways in the hotel are wider than normal, perhaps for horse and buggy to pass through.  It is a labyrinth inside, and makes the place seem larger than is possible from looking at it from the street. Again, Steven King.

The rooms at the Stearns have a monastic proclivity, often unbearably hot or outlandishly cold.  The intention, we are told, is that the small boxes mounted on the wall are supposed to modify the climate, but the truth is that whatever weather is occurring in Ludington is mirrored in the interior of each room at the Stearns.  Each is not unlike a thermos, in that, once inside, if you are cold you stay cold and if you are hot, you stay hot.

Rick Steves always suggests that when visiting a new place, go where the locals go.  You might wonder why the locals would go to the Stearns when they already have a musty place to sleep, and the answer is the Tiki Lounge.

If you are at any of the local bars or restaurants, eventually you may here friends yelling “See you at the Tiki.” an indicator they are making the circuit.  The circuit starts with breakfast at House of Flavors, lunch at The Grand, dinner at Sportman’s and nightcaps at the Tiki.

The Tiki Lounge, alternately The Tiki Disco, The Tiki Video Nightclub, features two levels, making stumbling seem more natural if you are making the circuit.  The last time I was there it was College Night, where I assume there must be specials for Westshore Community College students on the Shark Attack, the disco’s signature drink.

The theme of the Tiki features some bamboo and grass décor, hinting at the South Pacific, combined with a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’, which is how Rick Steves describes things when he is at a loss for words.  It is dark enough to be both romantic and sinister, which is helpful whether your intentions are either or both.

The day is coming soon that you will be released from your quarantine and you will be desperate for distraction that does not include the familiar.  Go to Ludington, walk on the beach, explore the dunes, see the lighthouses, enjoy the local cuisine (not the coffee).  There is so much to do in Ludington I hardly know where to begin, but first book a place to stay, and I suggest the Stearns Hotel.  It is charming and funky and eccentric and will provide you with stories to tell your family and friends, if you can ever figure out where they went. 

Hope this finds you with no reservations,

David

Copyright © 2020 David Smith