Cold War

March 10, 2020

Greetings from the cold war,

A few days ago, on a serious radio program, I heard two intelligent women discussing how to wash your hands.  They were explaining the step by step process outlined by the World Health Organization for people to effectively use soap and water. 

Along with the detailed play-by-play analysis of the hand/soap/water interaction, the commentators suggested singing ‘Happy Birthday’ two times while washing so that a person would be sure to have a full twenty seconds of sanitizing.

This struck me as so funny I laughed about it all during the day, and then I heard it repeated on TV, saw it in news articles.  Then it seemed even funnier. 

First, don’t get me wrong, I am aware of how serious the COVID-19 virus is, and the real health threat to certain segments of the world population.  I am also very aware of the disruption the virus has caused across the globe as people react to the spread of the illness.  Even so, you have to admit that it is a little funny that we may need instruction on how to wash our hands.  More on that.

My medical training is somewhat limited.  In my life I have spent more time looking for a band aid than I have studying health issues.   My experience with illness can be summed up like this: when one of my children was sick, I would respond by staying as far away from them as possible in case they threw up, because that would make me throw up.

That said, it seems to me that what will be remembered from this outbreak is the level of anxiety it caused, even more than the health impact.  That is not to minimize anyone who becomes sick, or the number of people who die from the virus.  But the truth is, people all over the world are getting sick from a huge variety of things every day, and have for all of history, and some of them unfortunately die.

The virus is the most common topic of conversation, thankfully providing some relief from politics, but has created a level of apprehension in people that may be ungrounded.  If anyone asked me, and no one has, I would suggest first becoming informed.  When you check with reliable sources of information you will learn this illness is not a conspiracy, it is not the black plague, and it is not caused by Corona beer.  It is a serious virus but with care will be contained and for most of the population will not affect our health any more than another flu virus.

During the late fifties and early sixties, children were instructed to hide under their desks during air raid drills.  When I was in elementary school from time to time we would practice ‘Duck and Cover’ routines that someone in the government thought were a good idea. 

The hope was that if there were a nuclear attack from Russia, we would at least be protected from falling ceiling tiles, (which, by the way, were laced with asbestos) before we were vaporized by the blast.  No, it wasn’t explained that way.  The threat was real.  The response was well intended but in hindsight is comical, hilarious even.  And that’s what made me laugh at the instructional segment on hand washing.

Imagine years from now when we look back at 2020 when the nation came together as one and sang Happy Birthday millions of times every day.  In truth, there are worse ways to remember this year.

I’m not mocking washing your hands, as a matter of fact I predicted that there will be fewer colds and fewer cases of ordinary flu because of this raised awareness.  If nothing else, we get more time in front of the mirror to admire our handsomeness. 

If you are not a fan of the birthday song but want to be sure to get your full twenty seconds of scrubbing, there are other distractions to keep you from rushing.  For example, if you are concerned about a saggy backside, you could do 30 butt clenches while you wash your hands.  You could recite the Lord’s prayer.  You could say the names of all the people you love.  Yes, runners, it’s also a good time to stretch your Achilles. 

Or just spend twenty seconds thinking about the best part of your day so far.  If you are like me, it might mean you are at the sink long enough to change things for the better in a few ways.

Hope this finds you lathered and laughing,

David

Copyright © 2020 David Smith