DST

March 13, 2017

Greetings from just before,

It would be fair to say I am living in the past.  Not in any romantic, nostalgic way, but literally in the past.  Like most people in my part of the country, I now exist precisely one hour back in history. 

During the night on Saturday, while I was dreaming of sleeping a solid eight hours, civilization moved ahead without me.  When I woke on Sunday morning, everything I knew was in the future.  I was left dazed, confused, torn between one world and another.   It is as if aliens had visited our planet and created an alternative future.  One for everyone else, and one for me, an hour later. 

This rift in our reality has left me separated from my normal life.  My eyes are half open and my mind unfocused.  Life is blurred, because I am trapped sixty minutes ago, as if the sands in my hourglass got wet with condensation and clogged in that little narrow channel where it normally sifts to the lower part.  It is a really awkward metaphor.  See how desperate I am?

If you believe the Real News, you’ll know that no one likes Daylight Savings Time.  Polls show that a near majority, 43%, think that Daylight Savings Time is an outdated concept and should be abolished.  It is possible that the only reason that DST still exists is because that’s what the Russians want.  Russia does not observe DST and the U.S. does.  That should tell you something.

As everyone knows, the Bible is very clear about mankind interfering with the natural order of time.  As found in the book of Exodus:

‘And Moses arose at sunrise and made his way to the top of Mt. Sinai and there he met the Lord.

And God said: “Why are you late?”

And Moses was ashamed. “Lord, I didn’t realize that this morning we spring forward.”

God said unto Moses: “Write this down on your tablet: Thou shall not observe Daylight Savings Time.  If I see anyone messing with the clocks I am going to smote you with serious pestilence.”’

There is a growing body of evidence that shows that randomly changing the time causes the extinction of certain species of birds.  Just yesterday, the first day of DST, a cardinal came very close to extinction when he crashed into the window in my kitchen.  How long can we go on ignoring the plight of fragile species related remotely to the Kirtland Warbler and the American Bald Eagle?  Are we willing to let the symbol of American freedom go the way of the Dodo bird all in the name of an antiquated agrarian concept designed to enslave children to manual labor?

I believe the tide is already turning on DST, because now the survival of humanity is at stake.

Daylight Savings Time causes climate change.   A recent study by world renowned scientists from the widely renowned World Renowned Science Center for Renowned Studies illustrated how time change has affected the earth’s temperature. 

It turns out that when people start their day an hour earlier they release more greenhouse gas into the atmosphere.  I know you’ll want to read the study so I won’t spoil the ending but it makes perfect sense.  Start your car, crank up the factory, put cows in the field, burn more coal; one hour more of these activities times hundreds of millions of people equals environmental catastrophe.  It’s no surprise that global warming has increased every year since the inception of Daylight Savings Time.

If you are for saving the planet from extinction, if you want to keep the American Bald Eagle alive, if you want to keep the Russians from controlling our country, if you are against enslaving children, if you want to follow God’s law, if you are against awkward metaphors, then write to your congresspersons and tell them to repeal Daylight Savings Time.

Even if you don’t care about all of those things, surely you want me to live in the present.  Only you can bring me back from an hour ago.  With your help I can live a normal life again.

Hope this finds you falling back,

David

Copyright © 2017 David Smith