Marathon

September 14, 2015

Greetings from the rising,

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”  Emerson

This weekend I set out to test myself against the clock over a comically arbitrary distance of 26.2 miles.  I spent an enormous amount of time and energy, both physical and mental, to prepare for the challenge. I left the starting line completely certain of what I would accomplish.

Fate has a twisted sense of humor.  I didn’t beat the clock, that merciless competitor, even less sympathetic than I am about the outcome.  It is not the first time for me to miss a goal, not the first time I put all I had on the line and watched it dissolve in sweat and pain. 

There is no ‘thank you for trying’ from the marathon.  However you choose to deal with crossing the finish line has to come from you.  And therein is either the beauty or the darkness, which is all in which path you take.

For anyone who sets out to achieve something of any significance, anything that tests your boundaries, there must be a belief that success possible.  There must be something on which to build the passion, the commitment.  Without that you would be too afraid to begin. 

So it is with the marathon.  No one I have ever met left the starting line believing they would fail.  All of us believe, justified or not, that we will reach what we strive for.  Optimism among marathoners is ingrained in our very essence.

And there is the risk.  This high altitude sortie into our capabilities, driven by passion, determination, the momentum of colossal preparation, fueled by our own demons and dreams, is a tightrope walk.  In that there is the potential for great joy and crushing disappointment.  Because we know, even if it is not on our lips, that in the rarefied air of testing our limits the difference between those two worlds is razor thin.

That reality came crashing in on me only a few miles from the finish, in an anguishing battle between desire and truth.  It was not a pretty ending, either in form or demeanor, but they give you a medal for getting through it anyway. 

Thankfully, I am blessed to be surrounded with very special people to remind me that in every experience there is the beauty I seek, and it is not always presented in the way I want.  I was reminded of what I know but could not see through my disappointment.  These are not rationalizations or justifications of anything.  It is simply unwrapping what I have been given and not what I asked for.

J.J. Grey wrote song that came to me as I sat sifting through the pieces of the day.  It fits close enough to explain what has gone through my mind, thankfully before the darkness had a chance.

“All those simple thoughts, all those peaceful dreams,
Share the space with a hard worked, hard worked day
But it's the little things, the little things, not expectation
That make life worth living, worth living.”

This day, this beautiful, breathtaking day, will be bookmarked in my mind as a remarkable experience.  In this quiet moment not even 24 hours later I can see all of it clearly.  The people I ran with, the sounds and smells, the astounding view, the feeling that I could run forever. And that other part too.  I will treasure it, this ‘character builder’ day, for its joys and challenges.

Every marathoner knows the crash that follows the race; the marathon blues.  When, no matter your time on the clock, there now forms a vacuum where the challenge filled your soul.  I will admit it is one I don’t like facing, still stinging a bit from missing my Boston qualifier by two minutes.  So new choices evolve.

After one of his best marathons ever, George Sheehan wrote: “What do I do now?  More of the same, only better.  Run another and learn that much more about myself and the world and Who made me.  Run another and another.  Bathe myself in pain and fatigue.  Reach for energies I have yet to use.  Run another and another and another.  Make my truth out of that experience, out of what happens.”

Hope this finds you finding your truth,

David

Copyright © 2015 David Smith